Monday, July 31, 2006

Fines Doubled....

While driving on I-95 through Connecticut I realized a truth about life. During the last four years I have seen a lot of construction on that highway. I have seen crew with bright orange vests, signs with bright orange trim, cones with bright orange stripes, and angry drivers with bright red faces. It seems that as soon as one strip of road is dredged up and repaired another strip immediately falls into ruins and needs repairing, non stop for four years. It has reached the point where I intensely fear the drive through the state. For years I thought it was simply because of flawed work that leaves the road defenseless to the high daily traffic that rips up the road in record speed, but maybe it’s done for some other purpose.

What if there are people like that, always under construction. I have seen those people. They are constantly changing, reinventing, and dredging. Uncomfortable in their own selves they must continually exfoliate it off and rebuild new skin. The people around them always have to deal with this and for the most part just move on.

I must confess, I think I may be one of these people but, is it because I do such a shitty job of fixing my problems I’m bound to fall into disrepair or maybe I really believe I can be a better person? Or perhaps I just like the attention. Although I’d like to think it wasn’t true I could just like the attention because they always say negative attention is attention none the less, but for certain reasons I think this is the weaker of the three. It is quite possible I constantly fall into disrepair because I don’t think I truly know how to fix any of my own problems but, I think the best answer is that I really believe I can be better than I am. I guess the majority of people think this way, but it must be true that, for some people, there just cannot be a better version no matter how positive or negative they are right now.

So, I’m really banking on the fact that I am not one of those people and there is, somewhere, a better version of me that someday somebody will meet. In the mean time I apologize for anyone who has had to put up with this first hand and I applaud those few that stick it out, because, like the Connecticut highway, I will probably always be under construction.


At 8:59 PM, Anonymous twit said...

I do believe it is possible to create, even without ever writing a word or painting a picture, by simply molding one's inner life. And that too is a deed.

-Etty Hillesum

Have good trust in yourself -- not in the one that you think you should be, but in the one that you are.

-Maezumi Roshi

Try to love someone who you want to hate, because they are just like you, somewhere inside, in a way you may never expect, in a way that resounds so deeply within you that you cannot believe it.

-Margaret Cho, weblog, 03-11-04

..people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.

-Jim Morrison

We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance.

-Japanese proverb

When you tell the truth, people listen.

-from Silent Wing by Jose Raul Bernardo

At 10:51 AM, Blogger N/A said...

thank you.

At 12:11 PM, Blogger twit said...

You are welcome.

I couldn't come up with anything that didn't sound patronising, so I thought I'd just give you some words by other people.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I notice you removed the "nazi" rant?

My short term memory is really awful so I can't remember exactly what that post said OR how I responded to it.

I hope I didn't offend you, as that was not my intent. I just wasn't sure about how it was meant to be taken.

It seemed serious & yet purposefully over-the-top (& thereby possibly self-mocking) in places as well.

I don't know. I don't suppose it really matters, it's your blog & you can remove what you like.

It's just one of those situations (for me), where something takes on more importance simply because it's forbidden/censored.


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