historical cunts

A movie review: The Da Vinci Code

For a second I hesitate in writing a movie review for a title that is down to two showings in the theater, but I waited that long to see it so I’m sure there are others as well. I did not read the book, nor do I plan on it. If you want to stop reading now, let me tell you i would recommend you see it and the movie was not bad. It was also not great. I was hoping this would be Ron Howard’s next awesome 10 year movie - Cocoon in 1985, Apollo 13 in 1995, and since the only movie he made in 2005 was Cinderella Man it had to be The Da Vinci Code. I don’t think it is.

The story kept me interested throughout the movie even during flashbacks that allowed the audience to understand the vague Christian mythology that was the backdrop of the story. Some ideas were explained over and over again so anyone could understand the plot and not feel like an un-cultured POS and other major plot development points were breezed over as if no one would notice. Throughout the whole movie it seemed as though the director was speeding things up to make up for all the mythology he needed to go over which basically gave the movie a forced action feel when it should be anything but. The fact is that the two main characters are running for their lives and trying to figure out this ancient religious code in an ancient European city while every other major character is out to kill them…. Why should there be forced action there?

Tom Hanks, seemed to fit at first but, as the movie dragged on he appeared to be more and more uncomfortable in his role. Tautou did an OK job but, just like the film itself, was not great. The best acting by far came from Jean Reno, the French trained actor who played Captain Fache, the bad-but not really bad guy. The English actor, Ian McKellen (I know what you’re thinking, the guy who played death in Last Action Hero?) Ok that was a joke I know I’m the only one who saw that movie… so it’s the old guy from X-Men and Lord of the Rings. McKellen is an extremely diverse and talented actor who was a crucial part in this movie’s non-suckage (yes I went there.) Paul Bettany also did a good job but, mostly because he was type casted as the freaky but evil albino guy. It takes no acting talent to make albino’s look evil or freaky.

A few things that really caused some subtraction of points were the fact that the movie was based in France but there really wasn’t that much French (also thanks to the American's inability to read subtitles) and the clues left to by the old dudes were all in English. Attention America: Please Learn How to Read.

Summation:

So, Ron gets some props for the international cast, keeping the pace, and pissing off some Catholics. However, he did ignore the possibility of making this movie really interesting for countless reasons. If nothing else, Ron Howard now has the street cred to sit around with Mel Gibson and talk about what religions people think they hate.

The movie does confirm two things i have known for a long time. Catholics are dumb and albinos scare the shit out of me.